Never thought that l'd be fighting you
But you stole my heart you cheated and lied
you Weren't in my corner you Weren't on my side
The gloves are off you hit below the belt
Now it's time-out, baby And they've rung the bell
l'm not a fighter l'm a lover
But if you run Then run for cover
Fight for your love yeah
- When it's round two, girl - Turn this up! Now!
- Good. - l get a knockout punch
With this heartfelt song
l know when l count you Down from ten
l'll find you ln my loving arms again
The gloves are off you hit below the belt
Now it's time-out, baby And they've rung the bell
l'm not a fighter l'm a lover
But if you run Then run for cover
Fight for your love yeah
l'm not a fighter l'm a lover
But if you run Then run for cover
Fight for your love yeah
Whoa, nobody caught me. That was lame.
l don't think he's moving.
He is a lazy freeloader,
and it's time for all this dysfunction to stop.
Can't We just do this later?
l mean, you know how he gets in the morning.
Ned, aren't you tired of letting people push you around?
Yes.
Then get in there and do it.
What?
What is it?
Dewey, hey, it's the first of the month, and...
...l'd like your share of the rent now.
Man, you know l don't have it.
You wake me up for that? Come on, man!
Sorry.
Dewey, l mean, you owe me a lot of money as it is.
Yeah, try $2,200.
Ok, you guys, the band is about to hit it bigtime.
We'll win Battle of the Bands. When l'm rolling in Benjamins,
l Will throw you and your dog a bone. Good night.
- Your band has never made 2 cents. - Patty, come on, l'm on this.
Oh, you're on this? You're on this?
He's Walking all over you.
Mommy, could we please talk about this later?
No, We can't talk about it later, because we have to go to work.
We have jobs. We contribute to society. All right?
l am an assistant to the mayor of the city, ''hello''!
What? Can you get her out of here, please? Why? Why her?
And Ned has the most important job there is.
Temping?
Dewey, a substitute teacher is not a temp.
- He's a babysitter. - Think it's so easy?
l'd like to see you try. You Wouldn't last a day.
Dude, l service society by rocking.
l'm out there liberating people With my music.
Rocking ain't no Walk in the park, lady.
All right, this is useless, all right?
Tell him if he doesn't come up With the rent by the end of the Week,
he's out of here.
Dewey, l'm not paying your share of the rent, so...
...maybe you should sell one of your guitars or something.
What?
Would you tell Picasso to sell his guitars?
Oh, my God. He's an idiot.
Dude, l've been mooching off you for years,
and it was never a problem until she showed up. Dump her.
lf you don't come up with some money, she'll dump me.
Really? That would be good. She's a nightmare.
Come on. l may never have another girlfriend.
l mean, just come on. Come up with some money, please.
Please.
Ok. For you. Not for her, man. For you.
Thank you.
Heal me
l'm heartsick D minor.
l'm hungry And A minor, G, on you
- Heal my heart - Hey! What's up?
ls that a new song? Who's this guy?
We're taking the Battle of the Bands seriously this year.
Good, because l need the money. Now, listen.
lf We're gonna win this thing, We gotta actually start playing some music.
l agree. You're fired.
Your lyrics, now don't take this the wrong way, Theo, are lame.
But l've been sitting on some awesome material, so...
Did you hear What l said?
We voted.
You're out.
This is Spider. He's replacing you.
What's up, dog?
l was gonna tell you last night, but you passed out, man.
You're gonna kick me out of the band? You're gonna fire me?
- lt's my band. l brought us together. - Theo wanted you out.
- There's nothing l could do. - Shut up, man. You voted him out too.
Dewey, listen to me.
You're a good guitar player,
but it's the 20-minute solos. lt's the stage dives.
We're trying to land a record deal here, man, and you're an embarrassment.
Read between the lines, Theo.
Read between the lines!
Dewey, man, l hope this doesn't come between us.
Like, l care about you, man.
You guys, you know what? You're nuts. You're all nuts.
You've been focused so hard on making it,
you forgot about one thing. lt's called the music.
And l don't even care. You know what? So what.
l don't wanna hang out with wannabe corporate sellouts.
l'm gonna form my own band. We're gonna start a revolution.
And you're gonna be a funny little footnote on my epic ass.
l feel sorry for you guys.
Yes.
Yeah, it's a 1968 Gibson SG, mint condish.
No.
That's all? Well, that's a mistake.
No, Hendrix played this guitar.
Hello?
- Yeah? - ls this Mr. Schneebly?
No, he's not here.
- Could you take a message for me? - Yeah.
Hi. My name's Rosalie Mullins.
l'm the principal at Horace Green Prep. We're having a little emergency.
One of our teachers broke her leg this morning,
and all of our subs are already working.
Pat Wickam at Milton Prep recommended l call Mr. Schneebly.
Do you know if he's available?
- How long is the gig? - Excuse me?
How long is the job?
As much as a few weeks,
but we need somebody to start immediately.
So how much are we talking here?
We pay our substitutes 650 a Week.
Now, do you know when Mr. Schneebly will be back?
Hold on a sec. Oh, you know what?
l think he's just coming in right... Ned, phone!
Hello, this is Ned Schneebly.
Pat faxed me your rèsumè. lt's very impressive.
We've never been in a bind like this before, so thank you so much.
So how's this gonna work? Are you gonna pay me upfront?
l don't understand.
lt'd be really great if l could get paid in cash.
Oh, Well, We don't do that.
When you cut my check, make it payable to Dewey Finn, for tax reasons.
You can discuss all of that with Candace at the end of the day.
When's the end of the day?
We commence at 8:15, school lets out at 3.
You know what?
Do you think l could cut out a little early today? l got some stuff l gotta do.
lt's cool. l can stay.
Mr. Schneebly...
...this is considered the best elementary school in the state,
and We maintain that by adhering to a strict code of conduct,
faculty included.
Don't worry about me. l'm a hard-ass.
lf a kid gets out of line, l got no problem smacking him.
No, no. We don't use corporal punishment here.
Ok, so just verbal abuse?
lf you have any problems with any students, send them to me.
- l will do the disciplining. - Check.
Children.
Please take your seats.
l'd like to introduce Miss Dunham's substitute.
This is Mr. Schneebly.
Why don't you write your name on the board.
Yes, l will.
You know what? Why don't you all just call me ''Mr. S''.
Mr. S has never taught here at Horace Green,
so l Want you all to be on your best behavior.
So the curriculum is on the desk.
- And do you have any questions? - Yeah, When's lunch?
The children just had their lunch.
ls there anything else you need?
l'm a teacher. All l need are minds for molding.
All right, then. Well, thanks again. You saved the day.
Ok, Who's got food in here?
You're not gonna get in trouble. l'm hungry.
You. What do you got?
That's What l'm talking about.
Ok. Teach. Teach. Teach.
All right, look, here's the deal.
l've got a hangover. Who knoWs What that means?
- Doesn't that mean you're drunk? - No. lt means l Was drunk yesterday.
- lt means you're an alcoholic. - Wrong.
You Wouldn't come to Work hung-over unless you Were.
Dude, you got a disease.
- What's your name? - Freddy Jones.
Freddy Jones, shut up.
Shut up.
The point is, you all can just chill today.
We'll start on this crapola tomorroW.
- Yes, Tinkerbell? - Summer.
As class factotum, first l'd like to just say, Welcome to Horace Green.
- Thank you. - Any questions about our schedule?
Because usually noW Miss Dunham teaches vocabulary,
then gives us a pop quiz, then splits us up into reading groups.
- Track B is... - Ok, hey, hey, hey.
Miss ''Dumbum'' ain't your teacher today, l am.
And l got a headache and the runs.
So l say, time for recess.
But Mr. S, that poster charts everyone's performance.
We get stars When We master the material covered.
HoW do We get gold stars if We just have recess?
- What are these black dots here? - Demerits.
What kind of a sick school is this?
As long as l'm here, there Will be no grades or gold stars or demerits.
We're gonna have recess all the time.
But Miss Dunham only gives us recess for 1 5 minutes...
You're not hearing me, girl. l'm in charge noW, Ok?
And l say recess.
Go. Play and have fun, noW.
Nice.
NoW, you don't Want me to have to call your parents, do you?
lt's all right, Emily, don't cry. Just try to be a bit more conscientious.
Would you like a hug?
l'll be good, l sWear!
All right, Well, that's fine, Emily. You're excused.
Yes, We did it. We did it, come on.
Give me some. Give me some. Give me some. Give me some of that.
l Will see you cats on the flip-flop. Later!
l heard she slipped in the bathroom.
Yes, but We've got a Wonderful neW substitute
Who comes very highly recommended.
- Mr. Schneebly? Mr. Schneebly? - Yeah!
Hold on, buddy!
Oh, my God. You've gotta be kidding me.
Oh, man, this guy sucks, man.
- Here, call him. - Call him? Yeah, right.
Ok. Yes, you can be in my band.
But, Ned, no poWer plays, man.
l've got vision up the butt, so just go With it.
No, thanks.
You're not a teacher, Ned.
You're the cross-dressing, blood-sucking incubus
from Maggot Death. That's the real you.
DeWey, l'm not a satanic sex god anymore.
l'm a Working stiff. And that's cool.
- She's got you brainWashed. - l'm Working.
That's terrific. But Who are you, babe?
This is my apartment, babe.
Not if you don't pay your rent, it's not. Get a job.
l got a job. l'll have rent by the end of the Week. Go tell the mayor.
- You got a job. Doing What? - l do What Ned does, temping.
l'm not a temp. l'm a sub. And soon l'll be a certified teacher.
Come on, man! One shoW, $20,000 prize,
We split it 60/40. Grab your bass and come back to the garage.
l mean, don't you miss rocking out?
lf you think anyone is gonna be in a band With you,
you're more delusional than l thought.
DeWey, you knoW, maybe it's time to give up those dreams.
l did, and things are going really great for me.
Are you gonna teach us anything or are We just gonna sit here?
Just do Whatever you Want.
- l Want to learn from my teacher. - Besides that.
Freddy, What do you like to do?
l don't knoW, burn stuff?
Just go out and have recess.
My parents don't spend $1 5,000 a year for recess.
- You Want to learn something? - Yes, l do.
You Want me to teach you something?
All right, here's a useful lesson for you.
Give up. Just quit.
Because in this life, you can't Win.
Yeah, you can try, but in the end, you're just gonna lose, bigtime,
because the World is run by The Man.
- Who? - The Man.
Oh, you don't knoW The Man?
Well, he's everywhere.
ln the White House, doWn the hall. Miss Mullins, she's The Man.
And The Man ruined the ozone, and he's burning doWn the Amazon,
and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank.
There used to be a Way to stick it to The Man. lt Was called rock 'n' roll.
But guess What. Oh, no.
The Man ruined that too With a little thing called MTV!
So don't Waste your time
trying to make anything cool or pure or aWesome.
The Man's just gonna call you a fat, Washed-up loser and crush your soul.
So do yourselves a favor and just give up!
Mr. Schneebly, it's after 1 0.
On Tuesdays, the children have music class noW.
Right. Ok. Good Work, people.
We Will continue With our lecture on The Man When We return.
Have a good music class.
Mr. S, What's going on?
l heard you in music class.
You guys can really play.
Why didn't anyone tell me? You.
- What's your name? - Zack.
- You play the guitar? - Yeah.
Ok, come here.
- Ever play electric guitar? - My dad Won't let me.
- He thinks it's a Waste of time. - A Waste of...?
Try this one.
Ok, here's a guitar pick.
You pluck along With me, Ok? lf you can.
Yes.
Yes!
Ok, you stay right there. Don't move.
Piano man, front and center.
- What's your name? - LaWrence.
LaWrence, you ever played keyboards? Any techno?
- No, l only play piano. - Ok. All right, fair enough.
Try this out for me, Ok? Just give this a try on my count.
One, tWo, three, four.
Yes.
Come on, come on Come on, come on
NoW touch me, babe
Can't you see That l am not afraid
LaWrence is good at piano
He shall be rocking ln my shoW
Stop. That's perfect. You're perfect. Stay right there, Ok?
You. Could you come up here, please?
- What Was your name? - katie.
What Was that big thing you Were playing today?
Cello.
This is a bass guitar. lt's exactly the same,
but instead of playing like this, you tip it on the side, ''chello'', you've got a bass.
Try it on.
Ok, noW play this note right here. That's a G.
Ok, but let your fingers do the rocking.
keep that G coming all day long.
G, G, G, G, G, G
Good. Stop. Are there any drummers in the house?
- l play percussion. - You couldn't play anything else.
- Shut up! - Come here, dude.
Just see if you can do What l do. Just give it a try.
Ok? Give that a try.
Ok!
That's really good. Just stay right here.
All right, Ok. LaWrence, give me a G note.
With the fifth above it.
And the middle one. No middle one, l changed my mind.
NoW go an octave beloW.
NoW give me some rhythm.
And keep that same rhythm. Go.
katie, remember that note, the G?
Play it, but also keep it rocking. Good.
Ok, give me like a... Like a:
That's bad. That's like George of the Jungle.
Play it up here on the cymbal, but really light.
Oh, that's it! Ok, keep going With that.
You remember this thing l taught you a minute ago?
Yes! Yes!
All right, let's go!
Stop. You guys, stop messing around. We've got a lot of Work to do.
Ok, people, pay attention, because l do not Want to have to fail you.
l thought you didn't believe in grades.
Of course l believe in grades. l Was testing you. You passed.
Good Work, Summer. Four-and-a-half stars for you.
NoW, listen, normal kids Would have been stoked to slack off,
but not you guys, because you're not normal. You're special.
Because you guys have the right attitude,
l think it's time We started our neW class project.
- A science project? - No.
lt's called...''Rock Band''.
- ls this a school project? - Yes.
And it's a requirement.
lt may sound easy, but nothing could be harder.
lt Will test your head and your mind and your brain too.
Will other schools be competing?
You could say that.
You could say that every school in the state
Will be competing for the top prize.
What's the prize?
A Win Will go on your permanent record. Hello, Harvard, yo.
We're not supposed to get started until next quarter,
but l think We should get a leg up on the competition, don't you?
l do.
- Who else Wants to go for the gold? - l do.
All right. But if anyone finds out, We'll be disqualified.
So let's just keep it on the doWn-loW, shall We?
- Can We tell our parents? - No! Trust me.
They don't Want to knoW. keep it zipped.
All right, you guys, let's kick it into overdrive.
What are the rest of us supposed to do?
You just sit back and enjoy the magic of rock.
You mean We're not in the band?
NoW, hold up noW.
Just because you're not in the band doesn't mean you're not in the band.
We need backup singers. Who can sing?
You, sing.
- The sun'll come out tomorroW - Yes.
Bet your bottom dollar That tomorroW
Stop. You've got it, and l don't even knoW What it is, but you've got it.
And that's Why you're in the band. You, sing.
Amazing grace
HoW sWeet the sound
- That saved... - Stop, before l start crying.
l found the missing ingredient. You're in the band.
- l can sing. - You can?
All right, Summer, belt it.
Memory All alone in the moonlight...
Stop. Stop. Ok.
Good. That's pretty good. All right.
- l can also play clarinet. - l'll find something for you.
When We get back from lunch, l'll assign the rest of you killer positions.
- Thank you. - You're Welcome.
- There you go. - Thank you.
You're Welcome.
- Mr. Schneebly? - Yeah?
Hey, What's up?
- l don't think l should be in the band. - Why not?
l'm not cool enough. People in bands are cool. l'm not cool.
Dude, you are cool. The Way you play. Why do you say you're not cool?
Nobody ever talks to me.
Well, those days are over, buddy.
You could be the ugliest sad sack on the planet,
but if you're in a rocking band, you're the cat's pajamas.
- You're the bee's knees. - Bee's knees?
Yeah, the bee's knees.
You'll be the most popular guy in school.
Ok. l'll do it.
NoW, listen, this is a big commitment. Don't say yes if you're gonna flake out.
- l Won't. - Larry...
...Welcome to my World.
Boom.
Boom, a couple of these. NoW, here.
NoW give me a platform. Let's rock, let's rock today.
NoW do it to me.
- Let's rock, let's rock today. - That's good.
Slap it.
Shoot it.
kaboot it.
We'll Work on that later. lt's a long shake. Get going.
Good knuckle crack.
Lead guitar...
...Zack Attack. Take a seat.
On bass, Posh Spice.
On keyboards, Mr. Cool.
And on drums, Spazzy McGee.
Ok, Blondie, Brace Face,
you're singing backup.
All right, Tough Guy, Shortstop, Fancy Pants, get over here.
You're on security detail.
Make sure no one outside knoWs What We're doing.
The band's future depends on you.
Ok, your first mission: soundproofing this room.
Get on it.
Can l be the band stylist instead?
Of course you can, Fancy Pants.
Ok. Carrot Top, Roadrunner, Turkey Sub,
We're gonna have a lot of equipment.
We're talking amps, electric guitars,
maybe even lasers and smoke machines.
NoW, your job is to master the transportation
and operation of this technology.
Without a first-rate roadie creW, We'll never have a psychedelic shoW,
and l can't live With that, Ok? l'm counting on you. Get going. Go.
All right.
You three...
...groupies. And your job is simple.
Just Worship the band.
You're gonna be making hats, you're gonna be making T-shirts,
all kinds of merchandise, Which leads me to your first assignment:
- Naming the band. - Yes.
All right. Sit doWn.
As for me, l Will be singing lead vocal and shredding guitar.
Wait. lsn't this a student project?
- What's your point? - Are you supposed to be in the band?
What, you Want to get rid of me? Why, because l'm old?
You hate teachers, is that What you're about?
Ok, Well, teachers like to play too.
And not only am l gonna play, l'm el capitàno,
and What l say goes. So put your hands over your hearts.
- l pledge allegiance... - l pledge allegiance...
- ...to the band... - ...to the band...
- ...of Mr. Schneebly. - ...of Mr. Schneebly.
- And Will not fight... - And Will not fight...
- ...for creative control. - ...for creative control.
And Will defer to him on all issues
related to the musical direction of the band.
- And Will defer to him... - Direction...
Let's get rocking!
- Morning, Summer. - Groupie?
- What's the matter? - You Want me to be a groupie?
- Groupie is an important job. - l researched groupies on the lnternet.
They're sluts. They sleep With the band.
No. That's not true. They're like cheerleaders.
l don't Want to be a cheerleader. Look, my mother is a room parent,
and she's not gonna be happy When she hears about this.
Ok, l didn't Want to say this in front of the other kids,
but l made a special position just for you.
lt's the most important job of all.
Band manager.
- Band manager? - Oh, yeah.
What's that?
l'm gonna be busy rocking out, so it's up to you
to make sure everyone is doing their job.
Summer, you're in charge of everything.
- Ok. - Ok.
All right, look alive. Listen up.
First thing you do When you start a band...
Mr. Schneebly, before We start, shouldn't l first take attendance?
Ok, fine.
Ok. NoW.
- Michelle? - Here.
- Ok. And Marco? - Here.
Ok. Summer. Here.
- Let's see. Tomika? - We're all here.
The first thing you do When you start a band is talk about your influences.
That's hoW you figure out What kind of band to be. So Who do you like?
- Blondie? - Christina Aguilera.
Who? No. Come on. What?
- You, Shortstop. - Puff Daddy.
- Wrong. Billy? - Liza Minnelli?
What are you...? You guys!
This project is called ''Rock Band''.
l'm talking about bands that rock.
Led Zeppelin.
Don't tell me you guys never got the Led out.
Jimmy Page, Robert Plant?
Ring any bells?
What about Sabbath?
AC/DC?
M0torhead?
Oh, What do they teach in this place?!
Summer, you're the class Whatever, go to the board.
Factotum.
''Factotor''.
NeW schedule.
8:1 5 to 1 0, Rock History.
Ten to 1 1 , Rock Appreciation and Theory.
Then band practice till the end of the day.
- What about math? - No. Not important.
- World cultures? - Not important.
We need to focus. Don't you Wanna Win this contest?
lt's prestigious.
Question:
HoW are We being graded in all this?
Since l'm band manager, and l have the most responsibility, Wouldn't...?
Summer, if you grade-grub, l Will send you back to the first grade. You got it?
- Back to your seat noW. - Fine.
- What are We gonna play? - You don't have to Worry about that.
We have aWesome material, Which l Wrote.
Let's hear it.
- What? - Let's hear your song.
You Wanna hear my song?
l'll play you my song, if you Want.
The thing is, l just Want you to keep in mind,
l Wrote it in, like, 1 5 minutes.
- lt's not done. You might not like... - Just play the song, Schneebly.
Ok, l Will sing it for you, but let me just get in the zone.
l Was not planning on unveiling it,
but l Will sing it.
Tip of the tongue, teeth and the lips.
Ok.
lt starts off...
...a dark stage,
and then a beam of light,
and you can see me and my guitar.
ln the end of time
There Was a man Who kneW the road
And the Writing Was Written on the stone
And then a thin layer of fog comes in around my ankles.
Roadies, that means dry ice. We're gonna talk about this later.
ln the ancient time
An artist led the Way
But no one Seemed to understand
Chimes, Freddy.
ln his heart he kneW
The artist must be true
But the legend of the rent Was Way past due
And then, katie, you come in With the bass.
Well, you think you'll be just fine Without me, but you're mine
y ou think you can Kick me out of the band
And then, Zack, you come in With a face-melter.
Ok? Well, there's just one problem there
The band is mine
HoW can you kick me out Of What is mine?
And then...
HaWaii Five-O. You ever see that shoW?
Ok, Well, there's a drum solo in it that goes:
y ou're not hardcore
Unless you live hardcore
And l Want the backup singers to be like:
Well, you're not hardcore No, you're not hardcore
Unless you live hardc-- Unless you live hardcore
But the legend of the rent Was Way hardcore
Boom! Big old explosion.
Some, like, confetti comes doWn.
That's all l got so far. lt's a Work in progress.
l liked it, Mr. Schneebly. l thought it Was really catchy.
Thank you.
Mr. S? We came up With some names for the band.
- Yeah? Hit me. - The Bumblebees?
- No, it's sissy. - The koala Bears?
What are you talking about? lt's sissy.
l need to speak With Principal Mullins.
Hey, Miss Mullins. Hello. HoW's it going?
- HoW about ''Pig Rectum''? - Michelle!
lt's a science project.
Listen, Ros, l Was thinking about organizing a field trip.
- What do you think about that? - Well...
...substitutes, as a rule, do not organize field trips.
But l figure l'm gonna be here for a While.
Well, that remains to be seen.
- Have you met our other teachers? - No.
But the kids could learn by getting out of the classroom.
lt's more complicated than that. There's safety issues.
Parents need to be notified. lt's against school policy.
Mr. S, l have a lot of ideas.
HoW about everyone in magenta With beads and sequins?
Billy, l'm talking to Principal Mullins.
- Oh, hi. - William.
l'll make up some samples.
Everyone, this is Ned Schneebly. He's covering for Gail.
Gabe Green. He teaches second. Jane Lemmons, fourth.
Bob's our P.E. teacher.
- Roberta's our librarian. - HoW do you do?
- Care to join us, Mr. Schneebly? - Yeah.
- Did l say that correctly? ''Schneebly''? - Actually, it's ''Schnayblay''.
We Were just discussing testing.
Which test do you find most effective, the TASS or the Wilson-Binet?
l say no testing, and l Will tell you Why, Joe.
- Gabe. - Gabe. l believe...
...that the children are the future.
NoW, you can teach them Well,
but you have gotta let them lead the Way.
Let the children's laughter...
...just remind us hoW We used to be.
That's What l decided long ago.
lsn't that a song?
No. l don't think so. No.
- No? - No, it isn't.
You sure?
So you think you'll be just fine Without me, but you're mine
y ou think you can Kick me out of the band
Well, there's just one problem there
The band is mine
HoW can you kick me out Of What is mine?
Everybody.
- Because you're not hardcore - No, you're not hardcore
- Unless you live hardcore - Unless you live hardcore
But the legend of the rent Was Way hardcore
All right. Good. Stop.
Ok, Freddy, that Was aWesome.
You're rocking, but it's a little sloppy-joe.
Tighten up the screWs, Ok?
Zack, dude, What's up With the stiffness, man?
You're looking a little robotronic. Ok?
Let's grease up the hinges, and listen,
loosey-goosey, baby, loosey-goosey.
- l'm playing it the Way you told me. - l knoW, it's perfect.
But rock is about the passion, man. Where's the joy?
You're lead guitarist. We are counting on you for style, brother.
So try out this ancient technique. lt's called ''poWer stance''.
That's it. You oWn the universe.
NoW give me an E chord. Just go:
But let me hear:
Yeah, noW raise your goblet of rock. lt's a toast to those Who rock.
NoW smile and nod your head and let me see your eyeballs Wide
like there's something Wrong. Yeah!
Do it again. Give me that:
That's What l'm talking about. Ok, let's do it again,
from ''You're not hardcore''. One, tWo, three.
- y ou're not hardcore - No, you're not hardcore
- Unless you live hardcore - Unless you live hardcore
And the legend of the rent Was Way hardcore
Yeah! NoW We're rocking.
Your homeWork is to listen to some real music. Get inspired.
For Blondie, Blondie.
For LaWrence, Yes. That's the name of the band.
Listen to the keyboard solo on ''Roundabout''.
lt Will bloW the classical music out your butt.
Ok, for you, Rush, 2 1 1 2. Neil Peart,
one of the great drummers of all time. Study up.
- Are We gonna goof off every day? - We're not goofing off.
We're creating musical fusion.
Are We gonna do that every day?
Yeah. Get used to it.
Ok, and for you, Jimi Hendrix, Axis; Bold As Love.
- Are you psyched about the project? - Sure.
''Sure''? Hey. Wait. What's up? Are you...?
You're the lead guitarist of an unbelievable rock band.
- This is a dream come true for you. - Ok.
All right. l'll see you.
- Mr. S? - Hey, Tomika, What's up?
- l don't Want to be a roadie. - Why not? lt's an important job.
All right. Well...
You Wanna be security?
l Wanna be a singer.
A singer?
Ok. Sing me something.
l can't let you be a singer if you can't sing.
y ou told me To leave you alone
My papa said, ''Come on home''
My doctor said, ''Take it easy''
But your loving ls much too strong
l'm Welded to your Chain, chain, chain
Oh, my goodness. Nice pipes, Tomika.
Why didn't you raise your hand When l Was looking for singers?
You're in.
Welcome aboard. Ok, perfect. Pink Floyd, Dark Side of the Moon.
Listen to the vocal solo on ''The Great Gig in the Sky''.
All right? All right.
Off to Work.
Goodbye.
You can play music after your homeWork,
after your chores, but not until then.
Zack! Zack, do not Walk aWay from me When l'm talking to you.
lt's very rude. All right?
Last thing... Guitar after homeWork and chores,
and only What Miss Sheinkopf gives you.
- No more rock music. Ok? - Ok.
All right, get to class.
Watch that attitude.
Do you have another blanket?
That's good.
All right. Everybody, class has begun.
And you knoW What?
You guys have been doing real good in here.
lf l Was gonna give you a grade, l'd give you an A.
But that's the problem.
Rock ain't about doing things perfect.
Who can tell me What it's really about?
Frankie?
- Scoring chicks? - No. See? No.
- Eleni? - Getting Wasted.
No. Come on. No.
- Leonard. - Sticking it to The Man?
Yes! But you can't just say it, man.
You gotta feel it in your blood and guts.
lf you Wanna rock, you gotta break the rules.
You gotta get mad at The Man, and right noW l'm The Man.
That's right, l'm The Man, and Who's got the guts to tell me off?
- Who's gonna tell me off? - Shut the hell up, Schneebly!
That's it, Freddy. That's it.
- Who can top him? - Get out of here, stupid ass.
Yes, Alicia.
You're a joke. You're the Worst teacher l've ever had.
Summer, that is great.
- l like the delivery. l felt your anger. - Thank you.
You're a fat loser, and you have body odor.
All right. All right.
- NoW is everyone nice and pissed off? - Yeah!
Good. Time to Write a rock song.
NoW, What makes you mad more than anything in the World?
- Billy? - You.
We've already told me off. Let's move on.
- You're tacky, and l hate you. - Ok, you see me after class.
- You. Gordon. - No alloWance.
l didn't get no alloWance today So noW l'm really ticked off
You knoW What l mean? What else makes you mad?
- Michelle? - Chores.
l had to do my chores today So l am really ticked off
- What else? - Bullies.
All you bullies get out of my Way Because l am really ticked off
So, What Would you say to a bully?
- Zack? - l don't knoW.
NoW, come on. lf someone Was in your grill,
- What Would you say? - l don't knoW.
lf someone Was pushing you around,
- What Would you say? - ''Step off''?
Step off! Step off! Step off! Step off!
Everybody!
Step off! Step off! Step off! Step off!
lf l do What you say l might turn into a robot
Do my chore day after day And they don't Want any lip
No! So step off! Step off! Step off! Step off! Step off!
Step off, everybody.
Step off! Step off! Step off! Step off!
All right, noW that Was a perfectly decent rock song.
Oh, yeah. l Was this close to getting a chair on the Polish Philharmonic,
and l nailed the audish, but l didn't get it. Guess Who did.
Yo-Yo Ma's cousin, little ''nepotis''.
Anyway, l just decided to give up and become a teacher,
because those that can't do, teach.
And those that can't teach, teach gym. Am l right?
- l'm just joshing. - Cute.
- Hey, Mr. Schneebly. - Hey, Zack.
That Was a really cool lesson today.
Well, thanks, dude.
- l'll see you back in class. - Ok.
Flip it, flip it, flip it, flip it! No, no, no.
l'm just saying, name tWo great chick drummers.
Sheila E? Meg White from the White Stripes?
- She can't drum. - She's better than you.
At least she has rhythm.
Freddy, Where are your sleeves? And What have you done to your hair?
- lt's called punk. - Well, it's not school uniform.
- Miss Mullins, you're The Man. - Thank you, Frankie.
Good morning. Just a reminder:
Parents' Night is coming up,
and l expect everyone to have a presentation.
What? Hot!
- You Ok? - lt's all right.
As you knoW, it is the most important event of the year.
The parents scrutinize our every move,
so l find it's best to over-prepare. Right?
The best defense is a good offense.
And, Roberta, noW that l see you...
Hey, is she alWays like that?
Oh, yeah.
Except for the time she got drunk at the alumni dinner.
You should have seen that.
She got up on the table and did a Stevie Nicks impersonation.
And she Wasn't bad.
Remember, she took up the tablecloth and Whirled around With it?
...that had been on the turkey tray
that Were touched over onto the peanut-butter-and-jelly tray.
NoW, l knoW that you knoW that this is a severe problem.
Clear.
Come on. Go, go, go!
All right, you guys. ls everybody ready?
- Yeah. - Strap in. Let's do this.
Oh, dude, cool.
Three horns. That's very clever.
ln 1 492, Columbus sailed the ocean... ?
- Blue. - Blue. That's right.
OK. NoW, Columbus had three boats. The Nina, the... ?
- Gordon? - The Pinta.
Pinta, that's right. And... ?
- Marco? - Santa Marina?
The Santa Marina.
That's good. Actually, it's Santa Maria.
OK. NoW, you got...
- Listen. Pay attention, kids. - She's gone.
l'm not afraid to flunk you.
What's up, dude?
Check out these little kids, man.
- Hey, shut up. - Oh, sorry.
Thought this Was Battle of the Bands, not the Mickey Mouse Club.
- Want a piece of me? - Look at this.
Freddy! Come on, man. We gotta focus up.
We gotta nail this audition.
Mr. S?
- What's up? - l don't think l can sing.
What are you talking about? Come here.
So, Tomika, What's going on? What do you mean, you can't sing?
l don't feel good. l feel sick.
- Just let Alicia and Marta do it. - No.
They can't sing like you can. l need you.
What is it? Are you nervous?
Yeah? Why? What are you afraid of?
- They're gonna laugh at me. - Why Would they laugh at you?
l don't knoW. Because l'm fat.
Tomika...
Hey, you've got something everybody Wants.
You've got talent, girl.
You have an incredible voice. l'm not just saying that.
You heard of Aretha Franklin, right? Ok, she's a big lady.
But When she sings, she bloWs people's minds.
Everybody Wants to party With Aretha!
And you knoW Who else has a Weight issue?
- Who? - Me.
But once l get up on-stage, start doing my thing, people Worship me.
Because l'm sexy and chubby, man.
- Why aren't you on a diet? - Because l like to eat.
ls that such a crime?
You knoW What? That's not even the point.
The thing is, you're a rock star noW.
All you gotta do is rock your heart out.
People are gonna dig you, l sWear.
Let's just shoW them What We got. What do you say?
Ok.
Thank you.
Let's rock.
- Ok. We are good to go. - No, We're not. Freddy took off.
- Where? - Some guys invited him to their van.
What?! Come on, you guys!
Freddy?
Hey, have you seen a little kid, like, yay high?
Dang it. Freddy, this is your teacher talking!
- Hey, Mr. S. - Oh, man.
- What's going on here? - Nothing. Just chilling.
Freddy, get out of that van this instant.
See you guys.
You think you're pretty funny, partying With an innocent little kid?
Dude, We're just chilling.
That kid's 1 0 years old. He looks up to you.
You are setting an example for him, so start acting like a responsible adult!
That goes for all of you guys. Don't make me come back here.
Come on. Let's go.
What's the big deal? You're acting like my mom.
What's the big deal? You had me Worried sick.
l Was hanging With real rockers.
They aren't real rockers. They're posers.
Rock ain't about getting loaded and being a jerk.
NoW, this is serious business here. We've got a mission.
Putting on a great shoW is the most important thing.
One great rock shoW can change the World.
- Do you understand me? - Yeah.
lf you ever scare me like that again, so help me,
l Will send a note home to your parents. Let's go.
All right, you guys. Just Wait here for a minute.
- Hey, man, check this place out. - Yeah. lt's cool.
Hey, What's going on? Where is everyone?
- Auditions are over. - What? Who's in charge?
Listen...you can't leave. You haven't heard our band.